Shattered
by T.Storm
Summary: The next installment of Shattered is finally out! I hope you'll enjoy the read, and please leave a review! RS
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own evangelion, just the dvd's and manga's. I don't intend to make any money out of this, and I'm very poor so don't sue me!... ok so that's not true, I'm not poor, but I sure as hell can't afford a lawyer.

Author's notes: Well, after releasing my last (and first at that) story to the public at I was greatly encouraged by the reviews that I got and decided I should put some of my ideas to paper for a full blown, multi-chaptered story! This story is based on the MANGAS and starts at volume 9. If you have not yet read the Mangas you're an idiot and should do so immediately! I will just assume everyone that reads this story knows what has happened in volume 1 – 9. If you haven't read the manga's I advice you to leave, there's spoilers in this fiction and I would hate to ruin the experience I got from the mangas for others. Alright I've said enough, here's the story!

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**SHATTERED: Prologue**

The Angel hovered high in the earth's atmosphere, waiting patiently for it's prey to appear. It had no intention of making the first move, positive it would soon make contact with it's adversaries.

-----

"_Repeat: level one battle stations! Pilots for evangelion units-00 and 02 proceed to emergency positions immediately! Pilot for unit-01 proceed to cage no.3 and stand by!"_

Shinji and Kaworu stood in one of the NERV hallways as the message blared out of the speakers overhead.

"Why must you stand by?" Kaworu asked his future colleague.

Shinji turned away from the boy, eyes on the floor. "I don't know… I'd like to ask them myself."

"Hey…" Kaworu said, a strange smile on his face as he did. "…it would be dangerous to leave now, would it not?"

Shinji sighed, there was no getting away from the strange boy now. "Yeah, yeah… but you better stick with me okay?... Come on."

-----

Asuka was standing by for launch, seated in her entry plug, the chatter of the bridge bunnies seeping through the communication system.

"_Eva unit-02's signal is nominal. VA links nominal. Fusion nominal. Start-up is proceeding."_

"Why does a weapon need a heart…? It'll only get in the way. You're my puppet, so just do as I tell you. I don't care what you feel – just don't defy my orders." Asuka whispered to unit-02.

"Asuka…?Are you okay?" Misato asked, overhearing the red-haired girl's words.

"**I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M JUST FINE!"**

Misato immediately left the girl to her thoughts, trying to talk to her might only infuriate her more, she reasoned as she looked at the view screen displaying the angel in orbit.

Shigeru spoke up. "No sign of re-entry."

"Orbital altitude is stable." Makoto followed up.

"Is it waiting for the right moment to descend?" Misato said, more to herself than anyone else. "…No… It's going to strike us from up there."

She turned towards Maya and Ritsuko, standing over a console to her right. "How's Rei?"

"Rei… unit-00… both okay, major."

"Very well… Rei! Launch! Prepare for ultra-long range fire!" Misato said, returning her view to the screen, the Angel still unmoving. "Unit-02!" She continued. "Prepare to launch as backup!"

Asuka's eyes widened. **"BACKUP?! ME? **For **UNIT-00?!..."**

"You heard me." Misato retorted.

"Idon't** BELIEVE **this!** EVA UNIT-02 LAUNCH!"** Immediately she could feel the downward thrust of the G forces as her Eva got shot to the surface. She didn't respond to Ritsuko, calling out her name. All she cared about was showing everyone what she was worth.

"Fine. Let her go first." Misato said, arms crossed.

"Major Katsuragi-!" Makoto yelled, awestruck that she would let Asuka have her way.

"Let her do what she wants… we'll see-."

"See if she **fails?"** Ritsuko interrupted her, shooting an angry glare at her friend and colleague.

Shinji ran into the operations room with Kaworu, forestalling any other discussion on the matter. "Misato! Why am I on standby? I'm the only one not in the fight…"

"Orders Shinji… from on high."

Shinji stiffened as he heard his father speak behind him. "That's correct. Get to your post!"

-----

Asuka had reached the surface, met by an intense downpour.

'It's put up or shut up. If I fail here, they'll take away unit-02.' She thought to herself as she brought up her positron rifle, aiming for the angel. 'That kid… I know why they brought him here… to replace me.' She thought, the image of Kaworu flashing before her eyes. 'No mistakes. Got it Asuka?'.

As the targeting reticules slowly moved in to lock onto the Angel Shigeru reported. "Major. The target is still beyond firing range."

"Damn! C'mon, c'mon! Get down here so I can-" Before Asuka could finish a bright beam of blinding light was projected at her, bursting through the clouds.

In the command room everyone was locked in place, watching in awe at the view screen before them as alarms blared.

"**ASUKA!" **Misato yelled. She turned towards Shigeru. **"WHAT IS IT?!"**

"I don't know! No heat or kinetic reading on the beam!"

"Psychograph erratic!" Maya dropped in. "Contamination in the signal!"

"Her mind… **IT'S UNDER ATTACK! **The Angel! It's a mental probe…?!"

Unit-02 slowly slumped forward as Shinji looked at the screen. "Asuka…"

The grey-haired boy spoke up before Shinji could say anything else, again, that strange grin on his face. "Well. Things are getting interesting."

Shinji's head wiped around, his eyes meeting Kaworu's. He immediately grabbed the boy by the collar just about ready to hit him in the face. "INTERESTING?!"

"QUIET! THAT'S AN ORDER!"

-----

The unrelenting pressure nearly drove her mad, feeling as if she had swam too deep underwater. Her eardrums felt like they were about to burst. Gritting her teeth she raised her rifle. "DAMNIT!" She yelled as she fired at the angel, a bright ball escaped her rifle and disappeared through the clouds, on it's way to the angel. It was no use, however, the shot passing underneath the Angel, leaving it unharmed.

"_Positron beam track… no good! Target is still out of range!"_

Asuka screamed for all she was worth, not even registering the chatter over the radio as the pressure on her mind increased with every second. Needing to find some release she squeezed of the trigger. Thrashing all the while, all she accomplished was laying large parts of the city in ruins.

"_She… she's emptied her rifle! What the hell is that beam?!"_

"_It's… it's registering like an AT field… but it's energy's concentrated in the visible range!"_

"_How's Asuka?!"_

"_**BAD! MENTAL CONTAMINATION NOW INTO Y-MODE!"**_

For a moment Asuka fell into bliss, the pressure finally falling away. That was until the images started flooding in.

"**NO! DON'T COME INSIDE ME! DON'T!"**

**----- **

Rei ascended from Central Dogma, over the radio she heard unit-02 had shut down. Her positron rifle had been unable to pierce the Angel's AT field, and now the commander had ordered her to grab the spear. As she surfaced she moved into position, gripping the Spear of Longinus firmly in her Eva's hands. Messages started to crackle through the radio as she reached her position.

"_Unit-00 in position. Confirm target. Correct for error." _The voice appeared to be Maya's. _"Count down start!"._

"_10… 9…"_

Rei raised the lance above her head.

"_8… 7…"_

The spear started to twist in her hands.

"_TARGET IS REACTING! IT'S SHIFTING IT'S BEAM! REI GET OUT OF THERE!"_

_----- _

MWAHAHAHA! A cliff-hanger… I hope I left you all on the edge of you seats. Those who've read the manga will notice that I took a lot of dialogue directly from it. This is, however, only the prologue so the next chapters will most probably contain little content from the mangas. This story has not been pre-read, all grammar and spelling errors are mine.


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: See prologue

Ok so here's the first chapter. Took me some time to write it, which is harder than I first thought it'd be. But hey! You're all not here to hear me bitching, you're here to read my story… well I'd hope so anyway.

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**SHATTERED: Chapter 1**

**-----**

The beam shifted in an instant, leaving Rei no time to react. She released the controls, her hands grabbing her head as her unit dropped the spear and mimicked her movements.

The Angel re-used it's, up until now, successful tactic of applying 'gentle' pressure, making the target's mind more susceptible to momentary relief. This was the moment it would strike, in that small moment of peace the target would drop it's guard and allow easy penetration to the psyche.

Images started pouring into her mind as a sharp pain, like a very thin blade slipping deeper and deeper, pierced her mind. 'No…' Rei whimpered under the Angels unrelenting probing.

She was suffocating.

'_This is familiar… isn't it?_' The Angel seemed to whisper into her mind.

Her vision was blurred. As she tried to focus she saw Naoko Akagi, arms outstretched towards her. She was the one choking her, Rei now understood. Suddenly Naoko turned into Ritsuko, the hands that were choking her replaced by a rubber tube wrapped around her throat.

Commander Ikari stood over her, informing her of her purpose. "Hapiness, emotion, friendship. These are all not for you, first." He told her. "You are my creation, and will fulfil my orders." These words were so unkind, yet so often he had expressed concern. Did he really care about her, or was his concern for someone else?

The scene shifted. She was sitting in the classroom, looking out the window. Nothing seemed wrong about this. But in the background, whispers… rumours…. about her. None of the words kind. She didn't care what people felt or said about her… did she?

"Just!?" Shinji yelled, the scene changing once again. "Put cold water on it!" He almost yelled as he yanked her arm towards the sink.

'I do care about what people say… I was happy when he showed concern.' She said to herself.

'_This boy… occupies much in your mind.'_ The Angel said, sounding almost benign. As it delved deeper, however, that illusion faded as pain overwhelmed Rei once more.

Tears flowed from his eyes. "You're… crying again. You we're crying yesterday… in your sleep." She heard herself say. "Why are you so sad?"

"Dummy… **that's** not it! I'm crying because I'm **happy**… happy that you're alive."

That was the first time, she recalled, that she had truly felt something in her life. When Shinji decided to leave after the fight with the 8th Angel, after Suzuhara died, she had felt a void. Like the only small light in the darkness had gone out.

When she'd woken up in the hospital after the battle with the 9th, and found that he had returned she had been happy. However he had been absorbed by unit-01, and a fear had overcome her. She had prayed to the evangelion and it had answered, it had given him back to her. Again, she had been happy… happy that she could see him again. And he was glad as well to have seen her again, he'd told her.

The last time she had seen him had been in the park in the Geofront. He had let her hold his hand.

Her eyes widened in shock. She couldn't resist this angel, it had her in a vice and she couldn't get out. That time in the park would have been the last time she'd seen him. Realization hit her. She didn't want to die, not anymore. It had been her wish for a long time, but since his arrival, since Shinji's arrival she had had purpose other than to follow orders. She had **felt**, she had **lived,** and she had a **friend**.

When she looked up she was in the entryplug again. Something wet made it's way down her face. It hung from her chin momentarily before gravity took it, and pulled it down. As the drop of salty fluid impacted with her legs Rei looked down, seeing more tears fall in the process.

"Is this me?..." She said aloud. "Am I the one who's crying?"

-----

Shinji saw the scene unfold. Like Asuka, Rei was now being attacked by the Angel. He didn't even hear the chatter in the command room as he looked at the screen in shock. The screams he'd heard from Asuka sent chills down his spine. What had the Angel shown her? What had been so terrible that Asuka, maybe the strongest person he knew, had not been able to face.

And now, over the radio he could hear Rei, she was in pain as well, and all he could do was stand around and watch. 'No!' He realized. 'I can help them! I'm a pilot, and I'm the only option left for father.' He turned around on his heels immediately, a determined look on his face directed towards his father. "FATHER! LET ME GO! LET ME HELP THEM!" He yelled.

Gendo looked down on his son from up high, not a trace of emotion on his face as he said: "Alright, Shinji. Get to unit-01 immediately, leave your plugsuit, we have no time to spare." He remained unmoving, only his eyes directing towards Ritsuko. "Dr. Akagi, prepare unit-01 for launch."

Shinji bolted away from the bridge and to the cage immediately, quickly boarding his plug, already standing by for entry.

"Shinji!" Misato barked through the radio. "Once you reach the surface, you'll have to act fast. Go for the Spear immediately, don't hesitate!"

"Got it!" He yelled back. "Just get me up there!"

'Shinji, you're our only hope now… please come back safe.' Misato thought. "Eva unit-01 Launch!"

-----

Any description of onlookers about the Eva-lift's speed would've undoubtedly been dubbed as 'pretty damn fast', but this wasn't the case for Shinji. With 2 of the 3 most important women in his life in danger, the travel to the surface appeared to be agonizingly slow.

Misato's voice crackled over the radio: _"Alright Shinji, when you reach the surface don't raise you're AT field, we don't want to attract the Angel's attention_." He just nodded in reply.

A moment later a loud **clank **adjoined by a firm jolt throughout his body told him that he'd reached the surface. Light rushed in as the side of the building the Eva lift was housed in fell away.

Without raising his AT field, like Misato told him, he exited the lift and took cover by a large building. He took a moment to get his bearings, looking around for Rei and the Spear. As the position of the Spear was uploaded, an indicator popped up on his view screen.

"_Shinji, use the buildings as cover as you approach the Spear, but be quick about it. We've all seen what happens when this thing gets you in it's sights. Alright, get going!"_

Shinji peaked around the corner of his cover in the Angel's direction. Pushing his fear aside he leapt towards the next building, and then another in quick succession. His heart was racing, over the radio he could hear Rei gasping as if she was being strangled. He hoped Asuka was alright, he hadn't heard a sound from her since Rei was attacked. He had to be fast, Asuka might already be dead, he couldn't loose both her, and Rei all at once.

He looked at the indicator, finding he'd have another 663 meters to cross. 'Am I even fooling the Angel? It must've seen me by now, even without my AT-field raised.' He thought, leaping to the next building, 515 meters left. He could see unit-00 now, and the Spear not far from it. He crossed another hundred meters, and held there for a moment.

"Misato…" He whispered, as if talking aloud would betray his position. "…I see the Spear, but there's not much cover for me. I'm afraid… that the Angel will attack me if I try to grab it…"

There was a moment of silence before Misato replied. _"Alright just grab it and get ready to throw the Spear as fast as you can. The computer will calculate everything for you. It should take no longer than ten seconds."_

Shinji didn't even reply, he just swallowed loudly, remembering that the Angel hadn't needed ten seconds when it attacked Rei. He closed his eyes, summoning all his courage to run the final distance between him and the Spear to pick it up. "Alright, I'm going!"

Just as he finished his sentence he got his Eva up, and moving. He could feel his own muscles strain as if he was running at top speed. 400 meters, 300, 200, 100… he was there, so far so good. He picked up the Spear immediately, giving unit-00 a short glance before raising the Spear over his head. His heart pounded so hard he would have been afraid it would leap out his chest had he had the time to actually think about it.

The target reticules slowly started to converge, and he could feel the Spear of Longinus twist and deform in his hands.

5 seconds.

4…

The Spear finally finished it's metamorphoses, from Spear with two pointed protrusions to a thin lance.

3…

He braced his feet on the pavement as he stretched his arms, ready to hurl the Spear at the Angel.

2…

Using all the force he could find in himself he brought the Spear forward, directed at the Angel, and hurled it forward.

1…

The Spear had left his hands, only visible for a mere second before it tore through the clouds, dispersing them for miles, leaving a clear sky.

"_Is this me?... Am I the one who's crying?"_ A soft voice spoke over the radio. Shinji's eyes widened. 'That was Rei… crying?'

"_Target destroyed! The Spear has left earth's atmosphere and gravitational force!"_

"_Recover the pilots, and return unit-02 and 00 to their cages!"_

_----- _

Author's notes: Well there you have it, the first chapter. It took me quite some time to write this even though it's not that much. I was planning to add more to this chapter but I ultimately felt that it'd be better if I released this piece separately. I'll try to keep the updates frequent, and add some length to the following chapters. Again, this chapter has not been proofread. See you next time and review please!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See prologue

Ok so this took me a lot longer than I thought but I did manage to work on the length of my chapters. I've been blessed with three pre-readers, namely Sideris, Specter von Barren, and Dark Plague of the Phoenix Souls. Much thanks to them, give them a hand people! Alright, enough of my ranting, on with the story!

**SHATTERED: Chapter 2**

He ran, he ran as fast as he possibly could. Now that he thought about it, he had been running the moment he jumped out of his entry plug, not even taking the time to shower. His clothes were still damp from the LCL and reeked of blood, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to see Rei and Asuka again. He had finally reached the Nerv infirmary and skidded to a halt at the registration desk.

Panting heavily, he spoke to the young woman behind the desk. "…Where… are-" He took a deep breath, trying to steady his voice. "miss… Sohryu and Ayanami?"

"They've been taken to room 142 on the second floor, but you're no-… HEY!" She yelled after him as he ran off, not allowing her to finish.

He halted at the elevator, pushing the button to call the elevator down. After a few seconds he pushed the button repeatedly. Finally, not satisfied with how long the elevator was taking, he decided to run up the stairs.

'142… 142… 142…' He mentally repeated to himself as he ran past the rooms. Turning left into a corridor, he spotted Ritsuko and Misato down the hall.

Having finally reached them he bent down, hands on his knees, taking in deep breaths. Calmed down enough, he began to speak. "How are they?... Can I see them?..."

"They're both alive Shinji… but you can't see them right now, we have to examine them, you'll only get in the way… you can visit them tomorrow." Ritsuko said, halting at the room's entrance.

"But... but I just ran all the way to see them… please can't I come in for just a second? I won't get in the way, I promise."

"Shin-…"

"Ritsuko… just let him in for a second, to calm his nerves." Misato interrupted her.

Ritsuko turned towards Misato, her mouth opening to say something, but then closing it again. She stayed silent for a moment, then said: "Alright… but only a few minutes. Just in, and out, understand?"

When he entered the room, it didn't calm his nerves in the slightest. Asuka lay motionless as the doctors were trying to get a reaction from the girl, asking her for her name. All she did was stare forward blankly, a haunted look on her face.

Rei wasn't much better, although she was responding to the doctors. He could hear her speaking, saying that she was alright, but he didn't believe it. He'd heard her in Eva, she'd cried. The dried tear streaks on her cheeks, and red eyes silently proved that fact. If she had cried, there must've been something wrong.

Before he could think anymore about it he was shoved out of the room, not the least bit gently. Misato followed him out, kneeling in front of him. "I'll take you home alright? Asuka and Rei'll be fine, they're in good care."

Without further argument he let himself be led out of the hospital by his guardian, Rei and Asuka on his mind the whole time. Silently he got in the passenger's seat of Misato's car. As she got in behind the wheel, she stole a quick glance at him. Shinji didn't notice, too caught up in his thoughts, staring out the window.

'When I was in Eva… I… I swear I could smell her… like she was calling for me. And when I came back… I was grateful I could see her again. And now, everything… it's all gone sour.'

Stealing another glance at Shinji, he was still gazing out the window with a sullen look on his face. "Shinji…" Misato spoke up. "Everything will be fine… They weren't wounde-"

"Why, Misato?" He interrupted her. "Why's it all going down the drain. I can't believe anything will ever be alright anymore…" He finished as he kept his gaze at his feet.

"Don't say that Shinji-kun… They're alive. You saw that with your own eyes!"

"Misato! You saw them, didn't you? The look on Rei's face…? I've never seen her like that… and Asuka." He stopped, squinting his eyes closed to stop himself from crying, the lump in his throat also making it difficult to speak. He returned his stare out the window, not feeling like continuing the conversation.

'How can she say that to me… I know something's wrong with them. I could hear Ayanami… she'd been crying, I know it. And Asuka… she just stared at the ceiling. That look on her face, like the life was drained from her body.'

He looked at Misato's reflection in the window. 'How can she tell me everything's alright... when Kaji's gone. She keeps up this happy face when I'm around her… but I've heard her crying. I don't know if he's dead… but… from what I've learnt from him...' He interrupted his thoughts for a moment, letting out a shuddery breath.

"We're here…" Misato announced as she parked the car in front of the apartment entrance. She turned towards Shinji, laying a hand on his shoulder in the process. "Get some rest Shinji… tomorrow you can go see them. I'm going back to NERV, I have a lot of paperwork to finish… I'm sorry I have to leave you alone right now."

Only giving a small nod as an answer he got out of the car and headed for the apartment.

-----

It had been some time since the doctors had left the room. A soft murmuring floated through the air, catching her attention. As she opened her eyes she saw a room coloured in patches of blue. She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling, not allowing herself to think about the events of the day. The room lit up brightly for a moment, a streak of light moved across the room, all the while decreasing in brightness.

She found herself breathing heavily, her heart racing. 'It was not the Angel…' She told herself, her eyes pressed shut tightly. 'It was destroyed… it was merely a car passing by.'

"Mama…?" She opened her eyes and looked at the source of the soft whimper. 'Sohryu… is she dreaming?' She could see a tear slip down the side of the redheaded girl's face. She returned her eyes to the ceiling, unable to repress the images of her mind-rape any longer. "Shinji… where are you?" She whispered to herself as tears welled up again.

-----

He couldn't sleep, his mind kept wandering to the two girls in the NERV infirmary. He tossed and turned, but he couldn't shake the feeling of dread. He'd thrown his SDAT player to the side some time ago, it having failed in lightning the burden on his spirit.

He got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, only too aware of the emptiness of the apartment without Asuka or Misato. He took a look in the mirror, just standing there looking at his own face. 'How can I look at myself in the mirror… all I see is a boy that is absolutely useless…' Sick with the sight of himself he walked to the kitchen.

He grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with tap water, then gulped it down in one go. As he turned around, ready to return to his room, he saw his cello standing in the corner of the living room. He slowly moved over and picked it up along with the bow. 'I haven't played in a long time… It might work…' He took a chair, put it down in the middle of the room and took a seat.

Without thinking he started playing Bach's Cello Suite nr. 1, just concentrating on the notes he played, not having to think about anything for the moment. Tears slipped freely from the corners of his eyes as he kept on playing.

As he finished he just sat still for a moment, and wiped the tears from his eyes violently. The music was a short refuge from his thoughts, but the notes he played could not rid him of his depressed mood. He got up and propped the cello and bow against the chair, then moved back to his room.

As he got back underneath the covers he stared at the ceiling for a few moments. The thoughts were still on his mind, but he was drained from tears. All that was left was a lump in his throat as he turned on his side. Sleep, mercifully, found him quick after he closed his eyes.

-----

Deep inside NERV headquarters Gendo sat behind his desk, illuminated only by the fluorescent light of the Tree of Sephirotica on the ceiling of his office. His hands were clasped together, fingers intertwined, his regular pose. Fuyutsuki stood behind him silently as he contemplated the information before him.

"Does this affect your scenario, Ikari?" The older man spoke up.

"For now, this is of no concern." Gendo said. "Besides this little… setback… things are moving along at an agreeable pace. Any problems the First might have from the Angel can be dealt with, either through psychological support or more… drastic measures."

"The elimination of the spy has come at an opportuned time." He continued. "We will not have to worry about his meddling any longer. However useful he may have been while in our service, SEELE could not have found a more appropriate time to remove his presence, now that the scenario is moving towards its' final stage." He finished, pushing his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose.

Fuyutsuki moved to the window of the office overlooking the geofront. Staring out at the pyramid, the epicentre of NERV, he said: "Are you willing to sacrifice Rei that easily? Would transferring her soul to another body not form any problems in the future? We were fortunate enough her current AT field can be maintained without medication."

Gendo turned towards his onetime mentor. "I'd rather not have too, but if the need arises we will be left no choice. As of her AT-field… at this stage, should another clone be used, the need for a long term body to house her soul is not necessary. After the final Angel is destroyed Instrumentality can finally be reached."

Gendo returned his stare to his desk, Rei's medical and psychological evaluation the focus. "There have already been many changes to the scenario, all problems up until now have been dealt with, so will future problems."

Fuyutsuki snorted. "You place too much confidence in your scenario, Ikari."

"Your lack of confidence moves me in the least, sensei. You of all people should know I let nothing get in my way." Gendo replied, smirking.

-----

Rei awoke to the sound of a familiar voice. "Asuka… wake up Asuka… I don't know what to do anymore…" It was Shinji who'd awoken her, but she kept her eyes closed, hoping she'd fall into a dreamless sleep where the images within her mind could no longer disturb her.

"Asuka… without you or Ayanami… I don't know who to turn to anymore."

Rei's interest piqued now. Forcing herself to keep her eyes closed as she listened to the one-sided conversation, the thought occurred that she'd never displayed such disrespect for anyone's privacy before. 'But…' She thought as a sinking feeling overcame her. '…this is about me. Why does he not talk to me… she's not capable of response, yet... he chooses to speak to her.'

"Misato's never around anymore, she's always at NERV. And Ayanami… I'm scared Asuka… I'm scared she's hurt, I'm scared of the way she looked the other day. The doctor says she'll be released today… but… but I don't think she's the same anymore."

A pang of hurt shot through her heart as she heard him speak. 'He is afraid… of me?'

She opened her eyes and looked to the side uttering his name softly, though hard enough for him to hear. Wide-eyed he looked at her, hoping she'd not heard the conversation. Seeing the sad look on the blue-haired girl's face made him lose his initial panic, however, as he moved towards her and sat down on a folding chair besides her bed.

"Hi… Ayanami, how are you feeling?" He said, holding his eyes on his hands in his lap.

"I'm uninjured." She spoke the half-truth. 'I lie… yet I say this so easily… for him. I do not wish for Shinji to worry over me.'

"Ikari-kun…" She continued, although not knowing what she wanted to say to the boy. His stare on her made her uneasy. Slowly she reached out towards him and took a gentle hold of his left hand. Neither said anything after that, not knowing what to say or do in this situation.

After a few minutes a doctor walked into the room. Rei quickly retracted her hand as the doctor moved besides Shinji. A warm smile formed on the doctor's face as he said: "I'm pleased to inform you, miss Ayanami, that you're being discharged."

Seeing no reaction from the girl, who gave him nothing more than a blank stare, and the boy on the chair with a bewildered look on his face, he continued. "Well then…" He coughed. "…you can retrieve your belongings at the registration desk when you check out." As he finished he gave them both a small smile, then left the room.

Both teens stayed silent for a while after the doctor had left, then Shinji decided to speak up. "Ah… do you… need any help getting to your apartment?" A few drops of sweat formed on his forehead in the ensuing silence. Without answering Rei got out of the bed, still in her hospital gown and moved to a nearby table, all her clothes neatly folded on top if it.

She turned to Shinji, her arms encircled her waist, as she said: "Will you leave the room… please?"

Initially not understanding why she asked, his thoughts started running. 'I… I haven't offended her have I?' He looked at her again, unconsciously admiring her slim features. His eyes fell on the pile of clothes on the table, and his mind finally settled enough to put two and two together. "Oh!... I'm sorry… I…" He stumbled for words, finally deciding it best to just leave instead of standing around wording apologies.

Outside of the room he rested against the wall and slid down. Putting his hands over his face he thought: 'God… why do I have to be such an idiot! First she holds my hand and I can't even talk to her… then I go and ask her if she wants me to accompany her. As if she's not capable of going home alone… I've probably insulted her now. And then I don't even understand why she wants me to leave the room… you're such a moron.'

Before his mind could wander off any further Rei emerged from the room, clothed in her school uniform. Without saying a word she waited for him to get up, then moved towards the stairs, Shinji trailing not far behind her.

After checking out they finally reached the exit out of headquarters. Rei started walking towards her apartment when she noticed Shinji wasn't following her. She turned around and saw the boy still standing at the entrance, looking at her. "You…" She hesitated. "You will not accompany me to my home?"

"Ah… I… I-I thought you might not want me to… Do… do you want me to come with you?"

She stayed silent for a moment, then finally said. "I… would prefer it."

Neither said anything on the way to the apartment, too lost in their own thoughts to think of conversation.

'He wishes to accompany me… and I wish for him to do so. My heart warms when he's concerned for me, he makes me feel… human. No one has done that for me, not even commander Ikari. When I'm with Shinji… I feel at ease, even now… the events of the other day do not seem nearly as… significant.'

Next to her, unbeknownst of her thoughts, Shinji was equally lost in his own mind. 'It seems unfair to… to run to her now that Asuka's… now that she's the way she is. But I wish to be her friend, and I wish to help her. She does not tell me how she feels but I know something is up. She never tells anyone anything, but I can see it in her eyes. I get so lost in them when she stares at me. All I can see is sadness… and it reminds me of myself before I met her.' He stole a quick glance at Rei. 'I wish I knew how to reach out to her…' He thought, sighing.

'He is my friend… his presence soothes me. Perhaps… perhaps he is more to me.' Her mood dropped immediately. 'No… it is not… allowed. And _he_ would never approve.' Her heart sank as she reached that conclusion. She looked up and saw that they'd reached her apartment.

Summoning all of his courage Shinji decided to speak up. "W-We're here… ah… you want me to come up wi-…"

"No…" Rei interrupted him, her voice a bit more stern then she'd wanted. "…t-thank you for accompanying me." She said, her heart racing, hoping she had not offended the boy.

Without saying anything else she started up the steps and kept her face directed forwards, leaving her friend by himself, wondering if he'd said something wrong.

She finally reached her apartment door and opened it, unlocked as always. She exhaled loudly as she leaned back against the door, her hand over her heart. 'Do not think about it…' She thought desperately, leaving the door and walking further into her apartment.

Her vision blurred as images overcame her. _"Hapiness, emotion, friendship. These are all not for you, first."_ "No… it's… it's not fair." She whispered to the empty room. An image of the commander sitting beside her in the entry plug popped into her mind. _"Rei, are you alright?!"_ He'd said. The memory was of the failed reactivation test. 'He does not… truly care about me… just for the memory of _her_.'

"_The only thing in this world I have faith in is the commander"_ The words were hers, she'd spoken them to Shinji, but now they felt hollow.

She just stood still silently, not allowing herself to think about it any further, not wanting to face the truth. A few tears dropped from her eyes as she just stood there, unmoving.

'My faith was misplaced…' Another tear welled up and slid down her cheek, her hand immediately touching the spot it trailed down moments ago. The strength slipped from her legs and she fell to her knees, her hands on the ground, arms outstretched in front of her to support her body. More tears welled up and forced their way out.

Only sobs could be heard in the apartment as she sat still on her knees on the cold, dirty floor. All she could find herself praying, like she had done when Shinji had been absorbed after the battle with the 9th Angel, was for him to return to her. She wanted him to ignore her comment and come running up to her apartment anyway. She wanted him to come back and pick her up off the cold hard floor. She wanted him to hold her like he'd done when they first met.

-----

Shinji was on his way home, his mood having dropped considerably. 'Just when I think I'm beginning to understand what's going on in her head…' He sighed. "I'll never be able to get any closer to her." He mumbled to himself.

Looking around for a moment he found that he was not too far from his school. 'Misato says she wants me to go back to school… but how am I going to face Kensuke and Hikari? How am I going to tell them that it was my fault Toji died? They'll never forgive me, and they'll never understand… It might not have been me that killed him, but if I had just fought the Angel… maybe I could've saved him. Either way… it's my fault he died.'

"Damn it…" He said, kicking a pebble against a dumpster. "Damn you father… why couldn't you just love me… like a father should…? Like mother loved me."

"Who are you talking to?" An all too familiar voice spoke from behind him, making him jump, not expecting someone to be listening to what he was saying, not expecting anyone to be around for that matter.

As he turned around he saw that boy again. 'Nagisa… what a creep.' He thought, then said. "Oh… it's you. It's not polite to follow people around you know."

"I'm not following you. I just happened to meet you by chance." The boy said, as always with that smile on his lips. Noticing the frown on the brown-haired boy's face, his smile dropped somewhat. "You don't seem to be particularly pleased to see me here…"

"That's because I don't like you." Shinji replied, honestly.

"You don't?" The silver-haired boy said, tilting his head slightly, his smile falling in the process. "Why's that?"

'What are you stupid?' "Because… I just don't alright…" Shinji said, his frown deepening.

"Well… maybe we should spend some time together. I'm sure you'll like me if you get to know me." The boy replied, his smile returning to his face.

"I'm sorry but I don't feel like it… I have enough on my mind as it is. I don't think I could ever like you… and I don't feel much like trying either." Shinji said sourly.

"You are worried are you not? For your friends." Kaworu said, seemingly unfazed by Shinji's comment or tone. "You know, it's not your fault they got hurt. You couldn't have-"

"Don't talk to me like you know me! You have absolutely no idea what I think or what I feel! Now if you would kindly leave me alone… I have better things to do than stand here and talk to a complete stranger. Goodbye." Without waiting for a reaction Shinji turned around and started walking, away from Kaworu.

"See you later Shinji… I hope to see you in better spirits next time. If you need a friend, I will be around!" The boy yelled after him, his smile not wavering for a moment.

'Damnit… that guy is so annoying. Who does he think he is… he's been here for two days and thinks he knows what it's like to pilot, and what it's like to be me…'

After a few minutes he reached the apartment. He took the elevator, not feeling like running up the flights of stairs. Swiping his card through the card-reader he let out a sigh of relief. 'I'm home…' As he stepped inside, he found the apartment empty.

As he walked further into the room, he saw his cello, still propped up against the chair, in the middle of the room. Taking a deep breath he decided to sit down and play.

-----

Misato leaned against the cafeteria table, every now and then taking a moment to sip some coffee from the mug in her hand. "So, Ritsu… any idea what the consequences may be of Rei's contact with the Angel? Asuka is in bad shape but… Rei claims she doesn't remember what the Angel did to her…"

Ritsuko lit a cigarette and then turned towards her friend.. "Do you want my honest opinion? I think she's lying." She interrupted herself to take a drag of her cigarette. "We all heard her through the comm. system. And the images the cockpit camera showed more than enough for me to believe she's not OK." She said, no compassion in her voice.

"Yeah I know, but… she still seems so… calm and focussed." Misato replied, setting her mug down.

"Like you've spent any considerable time with her since the incident…" Misato glared angrily at her for that comment. "But let's leave that out of the loop." She said, not wanting to insult her friend any more. "It's an act. I believe she's traumatized. She's just… very good at hiding it.

A moment of silence reigned between the two before the doctor decided to break it.

"Anyway, a new synchronisation test has been scheduled for tomorrow, so we'll get a first hand look. Oh, and we'll get to test the fifth child. Let's hope he's up to the job, Asuka was probably the best pilot we had." Ritsuko said, taking another drag of her cigarette as she finished.

Misato sighed, not knowing what to say. After a few moments she spoke up. "You should stop smoking, you know. It's a bad habit, and you'll never pick up any guys stinking of smoke." She finished, hoping to bring a lighter subject up.

"You're one to talk… you drink like you're still in college. Besides… I thought you smoked." Ritsuko retorted, taking a long, almost exaggerated drag of her cigarette afterwards.

"I haven't smoked in years Ritsu… but thanks for noticing."

"My pleasure." Ritsuko replied sarcastically. Misato stuck her tongue out at her friend, a dirty look on her face.

-----

She had calmed down significantly. The tears she'd spilt seemed to have brought release. She didn't feel comforted by that thought however. She'd never cried before the Angel had made contact with her. She'd always felt empty, but it had never bothered her like it did now. The purpose of her existence, her usefulness to the commander, had kept her alive. Now, however, that purpose did not seem desirable anymore, not since Shinji had entered her life.

Since his arrival, feelings unknown to her had plagued her, but the more time she'd spent with the boy, the less the feelings seemed to bother her like they had at first. This feeling she had now, this sadness, was not a welcome one though. Life had been easier when the young blue-eyed boy had been absent from her life. Still, she couldn't find herself wanting to be freed from his presence.

She got up from the floor, dusting herself of for a moment, then stepped towards the mirror hung upon the wall. She took a moment to look at the girl staring back at her. Red eyes, they bothered her. She hated them, they reminded her of her origin. Those eyes were exactly what made her an outcast, exactly what made her look different.

"Who am I?" She whispered to her reflection, as if expecting an answer. 'I am a Halfling, not entirely human, but not entirely Angel.' She sighed. Shinji wanted to be her friend, and she wanted that as well, she had become attached to the boy. The thought of him finding out about her origins sent chills down her spine. "If Shinji knew of my true origins he would not accept me, would he…?"

In the mirror she could see her dresser behind her, and on top of it an object which she used to treasure. She turned around and walked towards the dresser. She picked up the plastic container, in it the commander's broken glasses.

The glasses had been dear to her, but now she found her hands clenching the object hard, her intent to crush it. The glasses gave way under the stress, crackling and splintering. Shattered, Rei dropped it at her feet, not giving it a second glance or thought as she moved to her bed and laid down. From now on, she decided, she would no longer be his. She was Rei, Ayanami Rei.

-----

Author's rant: I hope you all enjoyed the story, I try to keep it all at least slightly realistic (well as realistic as 14 year olds fighting in biomechanical robots goes). Some of you might think Rei is a bit OOC but, seeing in the manga she has already opened up a lot towards Shinji and to herself, her actions in this fiction might not be entirely surreal. I'm not planning on making this very WAFF or anything, or having Rei turn into some emotional wreck, so let that either be a solace or a warning. The next chapter will come in the form of an interlude, which will probably not be as long as this one, however I aim to lengthen the following chapters more than this one. I was initially thinking of adding more content to this chapter, but keeping the continuity of the story in mind I thought it best to release this chapter. Again, much thanks to Sideris, Specter, and Dark Plague for pre-reading this for me!


	4. Interlude 1

Disclaimer: See prologue.

As promised, here's the interlude. It's very short, but I hope it conveys enough to keep you all interested. This is a separate storyline, which will converge with the main story later on. Much thanks to my pre-readers, even though I might not always follow their advice, at least it's good to know they're interested enough in this story to want to check it for me. On with the story!

-----

**SHATTERED: Interlude**

_Shanghai – People's Republic of China_

In a large meeting room, lit by fluorescent light, sat 10 people around an elongated oval table. From each country came two representatives, seated next to eachother. Before them stood a small plaque with their respective country engraved within. The United States, European Union, People's Republic of China, Russia, and Japan. Another man stood alone, at the head of the table.

"Alright, now that all the representatives are present let us begin the meeting." An older man at the head of the large table occupying the room spoke. Mere seconds later the lights in the room ceased, and a screen, projected by a beamer overhead, came to life behind the old man.

Pushing a button on a remote control he held in his hand, an image popped up onto the wall. The image displayed one of the Evangelion production series, housed in a gantry. Centred above the image stood the text: Hamburg production facility – Germany.

"As you can see, the production of the EVA series is in full gear. Already 5 out of 9 have been produced, and the remaining 4 are scheduled for completion within the next 3 months." The man continued.

"In our previous meeting we have already discussed SEELE's involvement in the UN, that is why this meeting is held in secret. The reason we have requested your presence here again today is because of new intelligence supplied by our sources inside both SEELE and NERV."

The man paused, clicking another button on his remote. This time an image of the 10th Angel in orbit, just as it's being hit by the Spear of Longinus. "As you can see here, the 10th Angel has been destroyed, which occurred two days ago." The man said, again handling the remote control to display an image of a new decree, showing a budget cut for NERV.

As the image, and the information it held, reached the rooms occupants a soft murmuring filled the room.

"You might wonder, as do I, when so much is at stake, and with only two more Angels to go, why did SEELE cut NERV's budget in half?".

"Moreover, SEELE has voiced it's intention not to send the EVA series to NERV until all are completed. This worries us greatly, since the dead sea scrolls predict the last Angel will appear in less than two months."

The man paused for a moment, letting this information sink in as he grabbed a glass of water and took a sip from it.

"The question now is, off course, what does SEELE intend to do with the 9 EVA series if not fighting the Angels?" Mumbling in the affirmative filled the room.

"From the information we have gathered, it has become apparent that both SEELE and NERV have ulterior motives than just the protection of the humanity, and, most frighteningly, they have the money and influence to do so." The man paused again. Another sip from the glass taken, he continued. "Though we have as of yet no idea what their motives may be, we intend to find out soon. Although unofficial, it is clear that SEELE holds the strings within the UN, all the more reason for us to keep this information within this room… surely we all appreciate that."

"A powerful organisation such as NERV, as well as SEELE must not go unchecked. The cooperation between the leading men behind these organisations-" He interrupted himself, clicking the device in his hand. "…Keele Lorentz, and Gendou Ikari-" He said, pointing at their image on the screen. "…dates back more than 15 years. From the information we've gathered, we've uncovered that they share a common goal. Though our information also implies that they might not see eye to eye, it is imperative that we continue to monitor both organisations."

"This is all the information we have gathered up until now. Though, as soon as we shed more light on the situation you will all be duly informed, and, if necessary, will be called in for another meeting. This is all for now, thank you all for coming on such short notice." He said, coughing afterwards. He clicked the remote again, the screen turning off, and the lights flickering back into life.

-----

_Tokyo III – Japan_

A telescopic lens stuck out of the bushes, the rest of the camera covered in the foliage on the mountainside.

"Increased section 2 activity…" A voice whispered.

A radio crackled softly. _"Roger that Delta, receiving icom chatter… standby for orders, over."_

"Roger that, standing by, over."

A minute passed in silence, only the moving and clicking of the camera betraying the presence of someone there.

"_Received icom hit, intel update on its' way…"_ Silence for a moment. _ "…target is on the move. Routine applied, same route as always, over."_ The radio crackled again.

"_Target reaches your line of sight in 10, stay vigilant, over."_

"Roger that, standing by for coverage, over."

Through the lens a black sedan could be seen moving along the streets of Tokyo 3, the NERV logo on the sides and hood, the people inside unaware of their spectators. The lens clicked in rapid succession, the operator hoping to catch some important information, yet knowing out of experience not to expect such.

-----

"Bravo reporting, the silver cub is on site, and has entered the building. Father bear approaching, black sedan in sight, over." One of two men spoke, sitting in an abandoned apartment building overlooking the destination of the NERV sedan, the room they occupied dark and dusty.

"_Roger that, Bravo, standby on the laser mic, be ready to record any conversation."_

"Roger that, eyes and ears open, over."

"What's the kid doing here…? Acting kind of suspicious… seems like he doesn't want to be noticed by the guys in the car, doing his awful best to stay out of sight." A voice spoke out of the darkness of the room.

"Shut up Tanaka, it's not our job remember, we're here to observe, intelligence will figure the rest out." A man whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Might not be our job, we can still speculate can't we? Besides, I think we should report it anyway." The younger of the two replied.

"Speculate all you want, it won't make a difference, in the end we'll still have to clean up the mess. Just report it and let it be the end of it…"

"Guess you're right…"

"Guess I am, now shut up and make sure you got that mic set up. Don't forget to report it…"

"Bravo here, silver cub is lurking into the den. Father bear is presumed unknown of his presence, over."

"_Roger that, duly noted. Radio silence from now on, out."_

_----- _

Author's notes: Not much to say I haven't already said. I just hope more people will review this story. It only takes up two minutes of your time and it helps me take out the kinks in the story, as well as motivate me to write faster. Next chapter will be longer, I promise! See you all then.


	5. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See prologue

Well here's the next instalment of 'Shattered' I hope you'll all like it as I hope you'll do… sigh That's hoping against hope isn't it? Well anyway, read it, tell me what you think, or don't. I'll huddle in the corner here… hoping for reviews.

-----

**SHATTERED: Chapter 3**

"The Spear of Longinus… gone? Why did you use it now?" One of the large pillars spoke, 'Seele 01' marked on it's surface.

"We have yet to complete the EVA series!" Pillar 05 spoke up.

"Our priority was to destroy the Angel. Two pilots we're incapacitated already, I saw no other choice under the circumstances."

This time, the 6th pillar spoke up. "You should be more convincing in your excuses, Ikari! You have gone too far in your actions." The voice roared through the room. Any man, other than Gendou Ikari, would have trembled under it's intensity. He stayed calm however, and sighed.

He got up from his seat, saying: "We cannot recover it, and that is the end of this matter." He turned and walked towards the exit.

"**IKARI!**" The pillars called in unison.

"I see no use in further discussion, I have more important tasks to attend to." With that, Ikari left the room, not giving the committee another glance.

Silence reigned the room for a few moments after the commander of NERV had left.

Pillar 01 spoke up. "It seems Ikari has finally betrayed us… Tabris… why haven't you warned us sooner? Have you forsaken your task?"

The silver haired boy stayed silent, not impressed by the committee's harassment.

"Do you hear me, Tabris?"

"Yes, yes…" The boy finally spoke up, seated in a folding chair in the back of the room. "What would you have rather had me do… intervene? It would've been easy, but… don't you think it would have been awkward?"

"Besides, is it a good idea for me to keep coming here? I have been accepted as the fifth child." He said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"We are aware of that. Do not forget your tasks, should Ikari do anything improper, inform us immediately."

"I will…"

It was silent in the dark room for a moment, until the young boy decided to speak up again.

"Monitoring the third has been most interesting. Humans are quite peculiar when it comes to the people around them. The third worries over the well being of everyone around him, he gets angry for the sake of people around him. Truly fascinating."

"Humans are like that. Once the plan is executed, it is that from which we shall all be free."

-----

For some reason, the prospect of stepping back into Unit-00 frightened Rei like nothing had her frightened before. All she could think about was her encounter with the Angel as she stood in the NERV infirmary. That night had been one unlike any other. Normally she'd find herself stepping in her bed and quickly find sleep, but this night she had not been so fortunate. Her brow furrowed as she remembered the events of the night.

She had gotten in bed as usual, but as she reflected on all that had so suddenly changed in her life, all she could find herself doing was toss and turn in her bed. The prospect of the synch test she would have to go through, and stepping back into her evangelion… it bothered her. First it had been an unnerving feeling in her chest. The more she thought about it, the more she became sure that she would rather not step back into that entry plug.

The last she remembered before sleep finally overtook her, it had been 4:35 AM. But that was not the most unnerving experience for her that night. She had dreamt, and not pleasantly. Even now, as she thought about it, her heart quickened its' beating.

She could not remember much of her dream, but several images of it stood fresh in her mind. 'I was with Shinji, in the NERV park.' She remembered feeling pleasant, at peace, but the rest of her dream would quickly destroy any positive feeling she possessed about that moment.

Shinji stood before the tank of LCL, her clones laughing as they kept their gaze on him. Then he stood before her, tears staining his face. He told her he never wanted to see her again, that he hated her with all his heart now that he knew her secret. She tried to explain to him, but he wouldn't look at her anymore. When she gently laid her hand on his cheek to make him look at her he stepped back, disgust evident on his face. "Don't touch me!" Was the last thing he yelled at her before he slapped her in the face.

That was when she woke up, sitting straight up in her bed, panting heavily. There was no stinging pain in her cheek, but the pain in her heart was worse than any physical pain she could endure. No tears would find their way to her eyes to accompany that pain, though for some reason she found herself longing for them.

"Hey… are you alright Ayanami?" Shinji broke her out of her thoughts. As she looked into his worried eyes the pain she'd felt that night returned. That same worry would not be evident on his face had he known the truth. He'd hate her, and he'd have every right to. She looked around the room, remembering where she was.

"I am uninjured." She told him, her voice softer than usual. She had seen the young boy walk into the infirmary to go see Asuka, and she had felt the need to follow him, to be in his presence.

"I see." He said, knowing full well something was bothering her. "You know… I'm… I-I'm your friend Ayanami… a-and if you're bothered by something, please tell me."

"No…" She responded blatantly. "…you… would not understand." She closed her eyes, hoping he'd stop his questioning, yet somehow wanting to tell him everything, just to have it be over with.

Shinji sighed and took a step backwards. "I… wish you'd tell me." He sighed again. "I'm going to see Asuka now." With that he turned away from Rei and walked into Asuka's room.

Rei just stood outside the doorway, her back against the wall. She closed her eyes for a moment and let out a sigh of relief.

After standing outside of the room for a while, listening to Shinji's mumbling inside the room, she decided to proceed to headquarters. Every step she took towards her destination brought forward more doubt, more trepidation about what she would have to do when she got there.

Before she could fall deeper into her thoughts, however, someone called from behind her. "Pardon me… Have you seen Shinji?"

She turned around, and immediately an unnerving feeling overcame her. This boy, he looked so much like her. That smile on his face, it seemed so pure, yet false. A chill ran down her spine as she looked the boy over.

"Ah… you must be the first child." The smile on his face broadened as he continued. "You encountered the 9th, didn't you? The second wasn't so fortunate as you, it seems."

Rei just held his stare for a moment, then she spoke. "Who are you?"

"My name is Kaworu Nagisa, the fifth child."

They just stood for a moment, a metre and a half from eachother, a distance Rei did not feel like closing.

"You and I…" The silver haired boy said suddenly. "We're the same." That same smile still evident on his face.

Realisation hit her as they stared at one another. His pale skin, red eyes. They shared a common origin. But there was something different behind his eyes, something cold, inhuman. It reminded her of the way she used to be, of how she had felt for as long as she knew, until she met the young Ikari. Finally she spoke up. "No… we might be very similar, but we are not the same"

Immediately his smile dropped, brows lifted, surprise evident on his face. With that she stepped passed him and walked off.

-----

Shinji stood at Asuka's bedside, his face blank. "I can't talk to anyone, I can't tell anyone how I truly feel, except to you… and it's only because I know you can't hear me… at least I think you can't, but that's enough for me… god I'm pathetic." He sighed and sat down on the folding chair besides the bed. "I wish you'd call me names again… scold me, tell me I'm a wimp!" He sobbed. "Please Asuka… don't be like this."

He stood up from the chair again, and walked to the window behind him. "It doesn't matter what I do or say, I can't change anything… I can't help you, Misato or Rei… I'm useless."

He moved back to her bedside again, just standing there, motionless, speechless. "I have to go to a synch test now…" He said, finally breaking the silence. "I thought it wouldn't matter if I would never pilot again, but this… this is so much worse. I can't stand this anymore, EVA means nothing but pain to me, but I can't live without anymore. I'm sorry Asuka, I'm sorry I can't help you."

Silently he moved out of the room, leaving the comatose girl behind. Eyes cast downwards he walked through the corridors of NERV, towards the changing rooms.

When he arrived, he could see Rei's silhouette through the curtain dividing the two changing areas. He was surprised to see that Rei was not changing, she just sat on the bench, staring at the floor it seemed. He opened his mouth to say something to her, but quickly shut his mouth again. In stead he decided to change into his plugsuit, his eyes on the girl behind the curtain all the while.

A minute later Kaworu walked in silently. The silent blue haired girl on the other side started to change in her plugsuit as well. After a few minutes all were dressed and ready. They walked to their plugs in silence, all lost in their own thoughts.

-----

She sat in the entryplug. This used to be a comforting occasion, EVA had always made her feel that way, comfortable. This time, however, a creeping feeling of fear filled the plug. The menacing feeling made it hard for her to concentrate on synching. The plug instilled unwanted memories in her, brought them up like little air bubbles trickling to the surface, more and more as time passed.

She looked to her side, a small window showing Shinji with his eyes closed in his entryplug. She closed her eyes again, trying to concentrate as best as she could, but the memories and images were flushing over her like a heavy downpour now. A familiar pressure on her psyche crawled to the foreground. Her heart started pounding relentlessly in her chest and temples as a sense of shock rushed through her.

Immediately her eyes shot open, the entryplug seemingly closing in on her as she started to hyperventilate. Her breath came out in shudders as she looked around the plug, nothing was there. She closed her eyes again, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself. As she opened her eyes again though, all she saw was blinding white light. It was like the Angel was reading her all over again.

In the background she could hear the bridge technicians yelling over the comm. system, but she couldn't make out what they were saying. It was like shell-shock had overcome her, the sounds that reached her ears dull and seemingly far away, her vision blurred and fuzzy.

She couldn't breathe. She took deep gulps of air in, yet no oxygen found her lungs, as if she was drowning in LCL. Naoko's hands around her throat, Ritsuko strangling her, the dire emptiness and uninspiring blandness of the room she grew up in, deep inside NERV. Her classmates, no one she could identify with, all she knew was NERV. A pang of hurt shot through her heart as she tried once again, in vain, to breathe. Her hands swung around, as if to push away the thing strangling her, yet finding no culprit. Moments later, she blacked out.

-----

There he was, by her bedside, again. She had been out for two days already, and Shinji was getting restless. 'What if she doesn't wake up, just like Asuka? Why so close to the end? Soon all the Angels will be gone… I don't want to be the only one left. I wish it was me in this bed, and Rei and Asuka awake… they deserve to be alive… much more than me.' He sighed and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his tired eyes.

"Rei, please wake up, I don't know what to do without you… I'll be alone, and I can't stand it anymore… so please… wake up." He whispered to the unconscious girl in the bed. He looked over his shoulder, out the door. Kaworu was standing there, looking over him. Why, he didn't know, he hadn't been exactly friendly towards the grey haired boy. Yet he stood there, never taking his eyes off him and Rei.

Yesterday the boy had come up to him and told him to get some sleep, but Shinji had simply ignored him and stayed by the blue haired girl's side. He had hardly slept that night, but he had slept at least. This night he hadn't been able to find any, the bags under his eyes a silent testament to that.

Now that he thought of it, he hadn't eaten anything the last two days either. He'd only drank water when he had to go to the bathroom. Even though he hadn't eaten a thing, he couldn't find himself to get up and get some food, figuring the stress would probably make him throw up everything again anyway. That, and he just didn't feel hungry. He sat up straight, and sighed, eyes closed.

"_May I hold your hand again?"_ A lump seemed to instantly form in his throat as the memory popped up. Her eyes, pleading him to answer in the affirmative. The soft shimmer in her eyes as he said yes. The gentle caress of her soft and warm hand against his. What if she wouldn't wake up? He'd never be able to talk to her, he'd never hear her soft voice again. He'd never get entranced by those beautiful crimson eyes.

His heart jumped slightly from his confession. 'Beautiful?... yes, she's…. she's beautiful.' He reached out slowly and put his hand gently on the young girl's forehead. Gently, he stroked her hair back as a few tears dropped from his eyes. "Come back, Rei… I need you." He whispered as he sobbed softly, and placed his hand over hers.

After a few minutes exhaustion finally got the best of him as he dozed off into a deep, and fitful sleep. He slumped forwards slowly, his head falling to the mattress, next to his hand covering Rei's.

-----

Kaworu stood outside the room, looking through the open doorway at the two occupants of the room, both asleep. He leaned against the wall, his hands in his pockets, smiling as always.

'Humans are strange… Shinji-kun cares so much for the first and second. Second didn't seem too friendly in the short period I met her, yet Shinji cares for her nonetheless.'

He sighed, a content smile still gracing his face. 'I wonder why the committee is so hateful of these emotions. It seems to me they can do such good. If the lilim could just find it in their hearts to accept eachother, this place could be heaven.'

Quietly he removed himself from the wall, and walked inside the room. He stood there for several moments, exchanging glances between the sleeping boy and girl. Silently he put his hand on Shinji's head. He could read the troubles of the young soul. He could do far more, and tempted he was, but he admired the strength of the blue eyed boy sitting next to him. 'He doesn't know how strong he can be, how much he is admired… He thinks he's weak.'

He wondered why temptation to invade the young man's mind didn't take him over as he looked at the sleeping form in the chair next to him. 'The committee is concerned about Shinji's performance… and perhaps they should be, but I will not break him.' His smile widened slightly as the boy twitched underneath his hand. 'The committee is wrong, emotion is not weakness.'

Slowly he withdrew his hand and stepped closer to Rei, then put his hand on her forehead as well, wondering what kept the girl unconscious. She had not been attacked, it was just a flashback according to Ritsuko. He flinched as his skin made contact with hers, loneliness and estrangement seemingly oozing from her mind. He pressed on, not letting the cold feeling faze him, as he put his hand over her head, and closed his eyes.

-----

Rei found herself standing in a room devoid of light. It was strange, it was dark all around her, but it was as if she herself was fully lit. As she stepped forward, she noticed that she was apparently emerged waist deep in LCL.

"Where am I?" She whispered into the darkness, not expecting a reply.

Suddenly the room morphed from total darkness into one of pastures of red and orange. _"This is your heart and soul."_ Someone answered after a few seconds, the voice familiar.

"Who are you?" She replied quickly, spinning around, looking for the source of the voice.

"_I am you."_

Confusion settled in as she finally found the source. The voice was hers, and the being in front of her resembled her, yet somehow was not truly her. "No, I am me… you cannot be me."

"_I am the reflection of your soul. That which observes the self."_

"I do not understand… why am I here?" She whispered. 'This place… red, the colour I hate.' She thought, her eyes scanning her surroundings.

"_Yes, this place is the colour you hate… you hate yourself do you not?" _The voice answered, reading the unspoken thought._ "Doesn't it hurt though…? Solitude brings you pain, yet you push away those around you because you hate yourself."_

"It is better to be alone, they… don't understand."

"_You truly believe that? Humans cannot exist without those around them. You are human as well, even though you do not believe so yourself."_

"I do not belong. Acceptance is not for me, it does not serve my purpose." She said, confidence not finding her voice.

"_You vowed not to follow that purpose, have you forgotten? You have already been accepted, Shinji is your friend. You are afraid of accepting him, for what it might bring, yet your heart yearns for him, doesn't it?"_

"He does not know. If he knew he would abandon me, therefore it is better to be alone."

"_You and I know that is not truly how you feel. You think you are less than human, yet you act and think like one. Don't deny your feelings, you want his attention, you want him to speak to you. Every time he visits the second, you want him for yourself, to talk to you like he does to her."_

"…I…" Her eyes dropped to the LCL around her waist.

"_You envy her, hate her for it. That is human emotion as well, don't you see? If you allow him into your heart the loneliness and pain might leave."_

Her eyes shot upwards, locking gaze with herself opposing her. "But… I will hurt if he-"

The being in front of her interrupted her. _"That is part of being human as well. But isn't anything better than the hurt you feel now? Isn't that what you long for, to feel something else but pain and distress?"_

"…I… yes…" Her eyes dropped once more.

"_Then open your heart to him, accept him like he accepts you."_

_----- _

Slowly, he cracked his eyes open again. 'Most interesting… learning about the lilim is truly intriguing.' He kept his eyes on the girl on the bed for a few more seconds before he turned away and walked towards the door. He took one more look into the room, to Shinji, still sleeping, slumped forward on the bed. His smile widened ever so slightly. 'The world has much in store for you Shinji…'

He turned away again, and walked out the door. 'I wonder how Second is doing… what Arael has unleashed in her mind.' He frowned at that thought. Though Arael was one of his brethren, his recent discoveries about human nature had unsettled his prior beliefs. 'The lilim mind is such a frail thing. I had hoped to learn more from her before Arael would taint her mind.' He sighed slightly, keeping his pace up as he neared his next destination.

'Emotion is such a beautiful thing… I wish I could feel like these lilim do, it would be very… interesting.' However, he knew he would never truly be able to feel like humans. He could make up his own mind, decide for himself, an honour which only befell him opposed to the other Angels, but not truly feel in the way humans would. He sighed again as he reached his destination, room 142.

He looked at the number above the room's entrance for a moment, then opened the door and stepped in. Slowly but determined he made his way to the room's only occupant. He took a few moments to make sure no one was watching him, then he laid his hand gently on her head.

The images flushing through him disturbed him slightly. The dead woman dangling on a rope from the ceiling, the little girl, Asuka, standing in the doorway to the room, eyes wide and mouth agape. The pain he read chilled him to his very bones as he delved deeper into her mind. The woman in the bed, a doll in her hands, she would not even look at her daughter as she stood by the room's window.

How it had hurt Asuka, to find out her mother would not acknowledge her anymore. Not even when she had been selected as the second child. She vowed never to cry again, yet it pained her so much, to keep up that horrible façade. No one knew how she felt, all she could do was keep up that mask, hiding her true emotions.

Kaworu could read her thoughts as if they were his own. Though the emotions accompanying them did not reach him, he fully understood the hurt this girl felt. She wasn't a real girl, she was the product of artificial insemination, she herself was a doll, or so she perceived. How could she compete with the puppet her mother was holding in her arms?

That doll, that blue haired bitch had outdone her when she had to synch her movements with Shinji. She reminded her so much of that doll her mother held. The doll that mother held like she was her own flesh and blood. When she had been selected, hopes had run wild as she ran into her mother's room, hoping for praise or at least a simple acknowledgement of her presence. Though the acknowledgement she had been give... she had tried to strangle her, her! Her own flesh and blood, her own child, to ask if she would die with her.

Kaworu withdrew his hand quickly as if burnt by his simple touch, staggering backwards. 'She's not ready…' He thought, panting. 'There's so much turmoil within her soul… she needs more time…' Slowly he backed away from the still girl. 'She needs more time to understand… this was not her fault.' Finally he regained his composure. He felt sorry for this girl. The mere seconds he had his hand on her were enough. He had learnt more, and that is what he sought, knowledge of what drove the children.

'It appears human interaction can bring much pain as well… but do the negatives outweigh the positives?' He needed more time, he decided, more knowledge of lilim. Painful as it was, he could not intervene. It would be easy to just blank her mind of this terrible corruption, a corruption instilled in her by his brethren. 'She will find her way…' He decided. 'All it takes is time… and I intend give it. Consider it my gift, Second. I admire your, and all humanity's strength for overcoming such hardship.' A simple smile graced his features once again as he came to his conclusion. As quietly as he had entered, he left the room, to let it's occupant fend off her inner demons.

-----

Author's rant: Well that was it... hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing this chapter (yes, truly, I did enjoy it!). Anyway, please review, like I said in the last chapter, it only takes up about two minutes of your time. I'll accept anything, even if it's just a stupid smiley or an 'ok' or 'uh… what?' or…. Ohw what am I ranting on about, no one reads this stuff anyway! Hope to see you all at the next chapter, peace.


	6. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See prologue

FINALLY! I'm finally finished with this chapter… I had a mild case of writer's block, so if you're all wondering why it took me so long to update this fic, that's the reason. There's not much I have to say, so I won't keep you, get reading!

**SHATTERED: Chapter 4**

-----

Four days had past since the incident during the synchronisation test. Misato and Ritsuko stood in the operations room, on the balcony overlooking the Magi super computer. Silence had reigned between them since Misato had arrived to accompany her friend five minutes ago. Misato finally spoke, her eyes still directed forward.

"Any news on the pilots Ritsu?"

Ritsuko sighed before she spoke. "Asuka's still in a catatonic state… Response to stimuli is minimal to say the least. As for Shinji, he didn't show up for his psychological evaluation yesterday, but I think it's pretty safe to say he's depressed about the whole situation." She remained silent for a moment then added softly: "I won't give him any grief for not showing up."

Misato turned to her friend after she finished, silently wondering if she had purposefully left out the comatose blue haired girl. "And… what about Rei?"

Ritsuko sighed again, this time in an almost exasperated fashion. "Rei's still asleep."

Misato's eyes narrowed slightly at her co-worker's comment. "Are you alright Ritsu?" She said, her head tilting to the side slightly.

"Ugh… how is it everyone's so concerned for that li-" She interrupted herself quickly, taking a deep breath.

Misato's face quickly changed from one of care for her friend to shock. 'Did I just hear that right?' Before she could say anything, however, Ritsuko continued.

"It's all I hear these days, from the commander, from Shinji, and now even you." She finished, her eyes trained on the cavernous space of the operations room before her, arms crossed on the railing.

Misato stayed silent for a while, awestruck at her friend's outburst. Never had she witnessed her old friend lose her calm like that. Again, the blonde women denied her to speak.

"Don't you see Misato? She's got everyone wrapped around her little finger. How come the commander is more worried about HER than about ME?" She said, not caring that she had openly spoken out her need for acknowledgement and care from the older Ikari.

"And Shinji, he's just like his father…" A slight grin formed on her lips. "He'd probably die hearing that…" Immediately the grin fell away as she continued. "…but it's true. Like his father, he's entrapped by that girl." As she finished she cast a glance at the Magi below her, wondering if she should follow the faith of her mother.

"What happened to you Ritsu? What are you saying? Are you listening to what you're actually saying?" Misato retorted, disbelief showing upon her face. "How… how is anything of this Rei's fault? She's just a girl Ritsuko!"

"Oh shut up Misato, you don't know the half of it! Don't you dare lecture me." She cast one final glance downwards. 'No, I am not weak like mother…' With that Ritsuko turned around and quite nearly stormed off away from the bridge.

As prior to the conversation, right after Misato had approached Ritsuko, silence once again found the room. Misato was alone, at a loss for words, and thoughts.

She stood still since her school time friend had run off, baffled by what just transpired. As the shock of her friend's outburst seeped out of her body and mind, straight thought found her once again.

'My god, everyone's going insane… Shinji was right… it's all gone sour.' Misato sighed as she took Ritsuko's former position at the railing. 'Kaji, what should I do? You handed me the truth, but what can I do?' A lump in her throat formed as she thought about her deceased lover. 'I want to know the truth, but what can one person do… look what happened to you…' A tear made it's way down her cheek as his image popped up before her mind's eye. 'Kaji… I should've told you…'

-----

Fuyutsuki stood besides Gendou in the cavernous office, staring at the Tree of Sephirotica embedded in the marble tiles of the floor as the commander studied the latest security memo.

"It seems Rei has become a burden to us." Gendou spoke, taking a moment to rub his bearded chin as he did so. "If she cannot perform her tasks, she is of no use to us." Finished, he placed his hands, fingers intertwined, just under his nose as he always did.

His attention drawn away from the floor, Fuyutsuki turned towards his onetime student. "What do you plan to do Ikari, I've already voiced my opinion on the matter of replacing her, it's too dangerous."

"We will not have to replace her at this moment, when the next Angel arrives the problem will resolve itself." Gendou said, not moving from his typical position behind his desk.

Gendou's statement did not come as a surprise, however the old man felt morally compelled to speak his next words anyway. "You're willing to sacrifice her? It seems unfair to have such a task lean on her shoulders for our goals." Honestly, he did not believe his words to find a compassionate ear.

"Rei has been, and always will be, a means to our own ends. This goes for all the pilots, you know this sensei." The bespectacled man spoke from behind his hands.

The grey haired man closed his eyes as he lost himself in thought for a moment. 'Yui, is this what you truly wanted for your son? You strived to make a better world for your child, yet now the very man you loved means nothing but pain for him. After 11 years, doubt finally catches up with me…' He opened his eyes again and looked to the commander at his side.

"Is it fair to put these children through all this pain? What of your son Ikari, will he hold if he loses everything he's fought for?"

"Everyone goes through pains throughout their lives. We have to look at the bigger picture, instrumentality will rid us all of pain once the scenario unfolds." Gendou's voice was determined as ever, a small smirk sat upon his face.

"Hmm…"

The smirk dropped for a moment. "Have you lost your trust in me, sensei? I hope you don't have doubts about our plans, we have made such progress as of late."

"Do as you will… you have the strings in hand."

"Good, then now the matter of the fifth, it seems SEELE has betrayed us. They think us to be ignorant, that we do not know of his true identity." Determination once again found the bearded man's voice, as did the smirk find it's way back on his lips.

"What do you think should be done about this last Angel then?" The old man spoke, dismissing his prior uncertainty, leaving it to be contemplated at a later moment.

"Hmm… nothing. It is not wise to intervene at this moment, in fact, there is nothing we can do about his presence. The only option is to wait for him to make the first move. As always, all is in the hands of the pilots, we can do nothing but sit this out and pray."

"Do you have confidence in your son, Ikari? Will he take his life once Tabris unveils his true identity to him?"

"My confidence in my son was never lost… he will perform satisfactory, as always."

The arrogance in Gendou's voice could still infuriate Fuyutsuki after all these years, but he did not outwardly show it. "And what of Shinji's friendship with Rei?"

Gendou was not phased in the least, confident as always he said, "When the 11th arrives all will fall into place, sensei."

-----

Rei found herself in the entryplug, and that same feeling overcame her. The walls seemingly closing in on her, she felt a constricting wave overcoming her heart. She was about to panic when the lights in the plug suddenly shut off.

After considerable time she found herself holding her breath. Finally she let out a gasp and took in a good lungful of breath. The dark of the plug was so all-consuming that she could not see her hand in front of her face. This place terrified her, and finally, unable to hold her silence any longer she whimpered. "…h-help… me… please…" She stared forward, not seeing a thing, and no one near to help her.

She had never before asked for help, but the terror she found in her heart compelled her to speak out. She whimpered again, and then again until finally she broke down and sobbed. "… please help…" She whimpered once again, between sobs. "…Shinji-kun… help me…"

After a few seconds a mild light filled the plug, and to her relief she could see again. "Why are you crying?" A soft and familiar voice spoke. She closed her eyes for a moment, and rubbed the tears from her eyes.

When she opened her eyes again, the plug was no longer there. The scene had shifted to the small garden in the NERV Geofront. She found herself at ease for the first time since this dreadful dream, though tears still stained her cheeks. She closed her eyes again, basking in the warmth that had filled the air up around her.

She couldn't stop herself, the corners of her mouth tugged upwards, as she once again, slowly, cracked her eyes open, she was greeted by the sight of Shinji leaning over her. Much like their encounter in her apartment, when they had just met, Shinji hung over her, on his knees and palms, only this time with a small smile upon his lips.

She was laying on a grassy field, Shinji still hovering over her. Slowly he moved closer until their bodies finally touched in a gentle embrace. Somehow she felt compelled to utter her contentment. "…hmm… Shinji-kun…" She whispered as she nuzzled into his warmth.

-----

Shinji sat staring forward, dried tears on his face. He was trying to stay hopeful, but his mind wasn't cooperating, so he just continued to stare forward, not allowing any thought to enter his head.

After a few minutes of mindless staring he was ripped out of his depressed, thoughtless state. "…hmm… Shinji-kun…" His head whipped to the side. All he could do was stare at the blue haired girl on the bed, wide-eyed. Though not a big change in attitude for him, his hopes sprang back to life. If he heard what he thought he just heard correctly, Rei was dreaming… about him!

His heart was pounding with abandon as he just kept staring at the girl's serene face. 'If she's dreaming…' He thought, absently adding 'about me'. '…that might mean… she's ok…'

For the first time in the last 4 days his spirits finally lifted, and slowly, unable to stop himself, a smile crept upon his face. But why was she dreaming about him? He blushed as he thought of a few reasons, as well as picturing a few possible 'themes' of her dream. 'Asuka's right… I am a pervert…' He thought for a moment, yet not able to contain his smile, even thinking of comatose girl in the other room.

Perhaps, he thought, everything might not be so bad as he thought. If it was one thing he discovered during the last week, it was that he didn't ever want to lose her again. The despair that had overtaken him was killing him, but now, finally, things seemed to be looking up.

Tears formed in his eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness. He cursed himself quickly though. 'I can't hope for anything… what if she doesn't wake up after all? I'll just hurt myself again. When has hope ever done me any good…?'

Shinji was slightly startled when he heard footsteps approach from behind him. He jerked around and saw Kaworu walk up towards him, a brown paper bag in his hand. In the past few days Kaworu had come by to check on him routinely, trying to get Shinji to eat something.

Although he didn't quite like the grey haired boy's seeming preoccupation with him, he had to admit that he admired his persistence in coming over.

"I thought you might want something to eat, after staying here for so long… so I brought you some sandwiches from the cafeteria." The red eyed boy told him, dropping the paper bag in Shinji's lap.

Shinji sighed softly, not really sure if he wanted to put up with the boy. "I'm not hungry…" A mere second later, his stomach growled it's objection. 'Damn…'

"You're stomach seems to disagree with you Shinji-kun… besides, starving yourself won't bring Ayanami back. Well, unless you're planning on waking her up with your loud stomach…" The boy said with a smile.

Shinji couldn't contain a snicker as he imagined his stomach protesting at several decibels over the pain threshold. 'Damnit, why'd he have to make me laugh… something's so off about that guy…' Shinji thought, quickly trying to hide his smile with a frown.

"You don't have to come here everyday to check up on me you know… I can look after myself."

"You have nothing to prove Shinji… do you think Ayanami would approve your starving yourself over her?" Kaworu said, completely disregarding what Shinji had just said. "You don't have to eat that sandwich for me… if you keep this going you won't live to see her awake."

Shinji grumbled. Though he doubted that he would starve to death anytime soon, he had to agree that Rei probably wouldn't want to see him do this to himself.

Fidgeting with the bag for a moment he finally decided. He opened the bag and grabbed a sandwich, quickly taking two big bites out of it. He caught himself though, he didn't want to look too desperate in front of the grey haired boy. Pushing his hunger aside for a moment, he decided to take it slow, so as to safe his already frail ego from getting too damaged.

-----

It had been some time since Kaworu had left. They hadn't talked at all after their initial conversation. Shinji was struggling with himself, head in his hands, elbows on the mattress before him. 'How come I feel attracted to him, I don't even like him… maybe… maybe it's because he tries so hard to be my friend, even though I reject him every single time.'

Shinji pressed his fingertips over his shut eyelids. '…I thought… I didn't need friends anymore. I can't even go to school… I can't face Kensuke and Hikari. How can they not hate me after… after I let Toji die by my own hands. They have every right to hate me… and now… I don't have any friends left.' He felt his heart beating in his ears, and an uncomfortable lump in his throat throbbing painfully.

His eyes moist with unshed tears he swallowed hard, trying to get the lump to go away. 'Damnit… He's so weird, but now he seems to be the only one making sense in this shitty place…'

He pressed his fingers harder into his eyes for a moment, an attempt to banish his current train of thought from his mind, and succeeding somewhat at that. He removed his hands from his face and looked at the placid girl's face lying on the bed before him.

Without thinking, he reached out and touched her fingers lightly, relishing the soft feel. _'could I… hold your hand again?'_ He pressed his eyes shut tightly, forcefully keeping the salty tears inside.

He didn't want to be caught in this thought pattern again, but he couldn't help himself, just like he couldn't help himself at night when the same thoughts rushed in like a tidal wave the moment he closed his eyes. Gently he held the unmoving hand and buried his face in the mattress. He kept his eyes closed, but tears escaped anyway as he sobbed softly into the mattress.

After a while he mumbled softly, head still pressed to the soft mattress, now moist with his tears. "Will you ever tell me… how you felt then, when you held my hand?" He swallowed hard, the lump in his throat gone at last, but the pain in his chest and head still evident. "Will you ever wake to tell me…"

-----

'Another night to spend alone…' Misato sighed as she sat by herself, at the dinner table, a Yebishu beer in hand. She had to admit to herself she was a little buzzed. Usually the booze would bring a nice relief of the daily stress she was under, but no amount of alcohol seemed to soothe her ruffled feathers this night.

The apartment felt so cold and lonely without the children. Often she had been annoyed by the daily temper tantrums thrown by Asuka, or the overly apologetic Shinji, quietly making his way through the apartment. Now, though, she missed it all too much. Shinji hadn't been home since Rei was hospitalized, and Asuka's condition showed no signs of improvement.

'Poor Shinji… I wish I knew how to approach him, but I don't think anything I could say at this moment would help him any.' She sighed and took another swig of her beer. 'I've never felt more useless.'

She'd tried to get penpen's attention when she got home, but the penguin had blatantly ignored her.

She hadn't been home much in the last few days, work sucking up most of her time and energy. Now that she was home, all she could do was sit around and do nothing, longing to get back to work to forget all her troubles.

She took another swig of her beer, but found it uncharacteristically tasteless, just like the other 5 cans she'd downed already this evening. 'Ritsuko… it seems we've grown apart in the last year. We used to go out and have a drink once in a while, but now she's all business… and what happened this morning…' A chill shot down her spine at the thought of the blonde doctor.

NERV is sucking the life out of us all… I doubt I could name one clearly sane person anymore… even the sub commander seems distraught. And commander Ikari…' She broke herself off immediately. 'Well let's not go into that…' She downed the last of her beer, crushed the can with her hands, and threw it in the corner, next to the other cans, equally crushed.

It was clear to her that Shinji hadn't been home, none of the chores were done. She looked around, finding the trashcan bulging with trash, empty beer cans strewn carelessly across the room, and a kitchen littered with chopstick, instant ramen cups, and utensils everywhere.

'God I hope Rei wakes from her coma soon, at least Shinji will be home a descent amount of time to take care of this place.' She felt guilty instantaneously for being so selfish.

She stood up from her seat, nearly knocking it over when she did. "I need another beer…"

-----

Fuyutsuki sat alone in his home, a cup of coffee stood before him, but he had not taken a single sip since he had pored himself the cup five minutes ago. So he just sat, silent and still, thinking.

'Yui… have you seen us lately? Do you see us at all? Can you see? What has become of us… in our journey to salvation we have lost all that makes us human… and now I find myself wondering if we've made the right choice.'

He got up from his chair and rubbed his temples for a moment. He took a look at the cup in front of him, its' contents now cold. In a swift move he picked it up and walked to his kitchen, and emptied the cup in the sink. Simply leaving the cup on its' side in the sink, he walked over to the cupboard, and grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and a glass. He pored himself a glass and placed the bottle back in the cupboard, then moved back to sit on his couch.

'I've let my own grief blind me, for you Yui… but I can't do that anymore… I can't find any justification for what we do to survive, to finish the scenario put out for us.' He sighed and took a sip from his glass, savouring the whiskey in his mouth for a moment before swallowing.

'We truly believed we could use these children for our own means… what makes that any different from the cruelties of man in the past that we wish to undo with Instrumentality… we don't deserve any of this.'

'I've let myself get caught up in Gendou's fantastic vision of the future, let myself get caught up in his plans… and my own grief.' He took another careful sip of his drink, then put it down on the coffee table in front of him. 'What happened to that man that wanted to bring justice to the world, that wanted to help people… that wanted to put to justice the men that plotted Second Impact.'

He looked at the glass before him, pondering whether or not to take another sip. Almost hesitantly he moved to grab the glass, once his fingers touched the cold object he decided against it, and sat back on the couch.

He'd often wondered how he could live with himself, with knowledge of the daily cruelties people had to go through because of his organisation, and SEELE. But what was an old man like him to do, if he had tried to go public with his information, he would have surely died.

It was strange how little things could change a man's point of view entirely, and he had experienced it first hand. He had found a universal truth only a couple of weeks ago that had turned his world upside down, and had him pondering ever since.

The object that had instigated all this within him still laid out on his table before him, the corresponding page in which he had found this truth, still lying open. He moved forward again, and grabbed the magazine, like he had done almost every day since that day.

He spotted the very line that had caught his eye that day in an instant, and read it out loud, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. - Edmund Burke"

-----

It was long past midnight, and Ritsuko still sat in her office. The room was dark, the only thing illuminating the room was her PC screen, displaying the hospital ward Rei lay in, Shinji asleep by her side.

'He truly has no idea who she is. I feel sorry for him, he has no idea how disgusting this relationship he's longing for is. All that because of his father. Even after 11 years he can't let go of is damn wife.' She clicked away the screen after staring at it for a while more. 'To think I spent so much time with him makes me…'

She didn't finish the thought, but she hated herself more than anything. Hated herself for getting caught up in his net, for helping him achieve his sick goals. But most of all, she hated herself for falling for him like her mother did. 'He uses everyone as long as he can, then, when he no longer has a use for them, he discards them… just like mother… and soon he'll discard me as well.'

She sat in silence for a while, simply staring at the desktop her PC screen displayed. Her eyes moved to the picture next to the screen, displaying her, her mother and Gendou. Her eyes shifted to Naoko and stayed there.

'Mother. I'm beginning to understand… why you did that, that night. And to think I fell for him just like you did.' She sighed, head in her hands, elbows on the desk, supporting her. '…like mother, like daughter… both passed over for that… that little wench. Used as a doormat.'

'Even she's more important to him than me… the one he's confided in for that past decade. After all I've gone through for him, after all the pain and humiliation!' She squinted her eyes closed, trying to keep herself from crying over the man she loved, yet loathed so much.

After a while she opened her eyes again, a single tear slipping down her cheek. She wiped it away immediately, giving it no second thought. 'Mother… I'll take away that which is so precious to him… and that son of his.'

-----

Rei found herself floating through what seemed like a warm body of water. Perhaps it was LCL, she could breathe normally, yet she could feel the distinct feeling of water passing by her, a feeling that managed to soothe her throughout her life. Swimming, one of the only things she had enjoyed until Shinji had stepped foot into her life.

Even though there was no visual indication of her movement, she could feel that she was moving forward. Before her, in the distance, she could see a bright light, not unlike the sun, not as intense, but radiating the same warmth. She had been in this place for a long time, and though she felt she made progress, the light stayed in the distance.

A soft murmuring filled her ears, a distressed tone apparent in the voice, she knew who it was. 'Shinji-kun? Shinji-kun is with me?' She thought, looking around but finding no one. She looked forward again, and absentmindedly noticed that the light seemed to be closing in on her. The voice she'd heard had her interest, and she tried to focus on it as she travelled forwards.

She didn't hear anything now, and the light she thought had come closer now was as far out of reach as before.

"_Rei, come back… don't leave me…"_ Again, that distressed tone. She felt butterflies in her stomach. 'I won't leave, I'm here…' She didn't know where she was, but if she heard his voice, she must've been near to him. 'I'm here…'

Suddenly the light before her came rushing in, a jolt of fear rushing through her as it seemed to close in at an alarming rate. The fear left immediately as she made contact with the light. She was blinded for a moment, and the feeling of floating in water left her.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she found herself lying in a bed. Her eyes left the ceiling and swooped down to the person beside her. "Shinji-kun…" She whispered.

He mumbled again. "Ayanami… don't…" She hadn't much experience with dreams, but he was obviously having a nightmare. Trying to soothe the sleeping boy she softly spoke to him. "I'm here, don't be afraid…" She tried to reach out to him, but found her hand being held tightly by the sleeping boy. She gave the hand a slight squeeze, then untangled hers from his grasp and lightly touched his cheek.

He seemed to calm instantly, and after a while his eyes fluttered open. He sat up straight, her hand dropping back to the bed, her eyes still on his face. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at her. Finding her eyes open, his own eyes doubled in size. Before she could speak, the boy quite nearly threw himself at her.

She didn't quite know what to do with the boy on top of her, but she did know that she enjoyed his joy in seeing her again. 'I was missed… by him.' The corners of her mouth tugged up, a slight smile gracing her face.

She felt her hospital gown moisten with his tears as he sobbed into her shoulder. His voice muffled, he spoke to her. "You're awake… I'm so glad Ayanami… I thought you'd never wake." She hushed him to silence, embracing the boy on top of her. Softly she whispered into his ear, "I'm here…"

'He cries for me again, not tears of sadness, but of joy…' The image of Shinji hovering over her in the entryplug sprung into her mind. '…like he did then…' She tightened her embrace slightly, basking in the warmth the boy emanated.

-----

Author's notes: Well, that was it… and this time I DEMAND reviews… not crappy ones, but good, wholesome, constructive reviews! Alright, so I'm in no position to demand anything, but who gives! I have stated my need for reviews, so if you would all kindly bow down to my uncompromising will, I would greatly appreciate it.


	7. Interlude 2

Disclaimer: See prologue

Well well, I wasn't sure if I would EVER get this finished, but I finally have! I haven't shown this final version to my pre-reader Sideris, I hope I won't offend him by not doing so. I just thought it was about time I released this bugger to the public.

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**SHATTERED: Interlude**

_Shanghai – People's Republic of China_

"Gentlement… please be seated." The room was quiet with the exception of the rustling sounds of people making their way towards their seats. After a minute, quiet reigned. After making sure everyone was paying attention, the leading spokesman broke the silence. "Let me start off with some unfortunate news."

He cleared his throat a moment, then continued. "It has become apparent that our operative inside NERV has either been killed or captured. As you all know, he was in charge of supplying us with any relevant info regarding SEELE, but most importantly NERV on a monthly basis. It was decided to keep his updates as rare as possible, as not to arouse any suspicion amongst our targets."

He looked over the faces of all representatives in a moment of silence. "Sadly, this also means we did not become aware of his elimination until recently." He looked over the room once more. "We are, however, quite confident that our operation is not at stake. In order to safeguard our secrecy we've planted 'evidence' that he was working for the Ministry of Interior of Japan. Of course the Ministry of Interior will deny this, but it will at least keep them looking in the wrong direction. Sad though it may be, sometimes a pawn must be sacrificed for the greater good. He was a good man, loyal to us, and will be duly recognized after all this is over."

Some representatives nodded at the truth behind his words, others remained silent. "Now on to the most important facts we have uncovered lately. In the past two weeks, it seems our suspicions, and with that, our greatest fears have become reality. UN Special Forces have been pulled out of important combat areas throughout the world in the past week and a half."

He picked a remote control up from the table before him, and operated it. The room went dark, and the screen behind him came to life. "We believe SEELE is considering a military operation directly against NERV, and they have mobilised their best troops for this task. We have come to this conclusion after we intercepted a conversation between the Commander of NERV, Gendou Ikari, and the SEELE Committee."

The man fumbled with the device in his hand a moment, then pressed another button.

"_**IKARI!**" _The speakers in the room boomed suddenly.

"_I see no use in further discussion, I have more important tasks to attend to." _

A faint sound of echoing footsteps faded into the white noise of the audio file, then silence for a long time, just white noise.

"_It seems Ikari has finally betrayed us… Tabris… why haven't you warned us sooner? Have you forsaken your task?"_

He disengaged the audio fragment, then spoke again. "What worries us most, is the mention of the one named 'Tabris'. Tabris is described in the Dead Sea Scrolls as the final messenger. We are still piecing together the puzzle that lays before us, but the picture we have uncovered so far is disturbing."

"The fact that SEELE might be using an Angel against NERV has stunned us, and the fact that they have mobilized their most elite troops has left us with little choice but to challenge them. According to our sources the troops that were deployed in the 14 Day War against Iran in 2012 are being withdrawn from the Middle East. We all know what happened there, these are no ordinary soldiers. The massacres amongst civilians then are without a doubt an omen for what is to come, were they to be deployed against NERV."

"Now that you are aware of the situation, you also understand the reason for our request for troops. I wish to thank you all for your cooperation, and a safe journey home."

-----

_Tarin Kowt – Uruzgan, Afghanistan_

Water rushed through every hole and crevice in the house, and all he could do was get to high ground as quick as he could, in this case, his roof. His parents weren't home, it was just him and his little brother. Quickly they made their way down the hall, but the water was quicker than they, and quite nearly knocked him off his feet as it sprayed across the floor, and around his feet. He finally made it to the stairs, and ran up a couple of steps when he realized he hadn't seen his brother follow him.

Terrified he ran back down, yelling for his brother. "Tim! Tim where are you!" He could barely hear himself over the all consuming noise of the water, rushing past him and taking away all their belongings, ripping away furniture, appliances, and small things like photographs. Childhood memories, flushed away in an instant. But he couldn't think about that right now, he needed to find his little brother. "Tim! Answer me please!" He couldn't cry, he just couldn't believe his little brother was gone.

He had to get up higher on the steps every few seconds, the water already filling up the house almost up to the ceiling. He had to bend down to see anything, and even then he saw very little, the darkness of night combined with the absence of man-made light making it very difficult to see anything. "Tim!" He yelled once more.

Suddenly he saw his little brother's face bobbing up from under the water, getting pulled in the stream down the hall, towards him. He made his way, neck deep in the water, back down the steps, and was nearly swept away in the current. He yelled his brother's name once more, and reached out, trying to grab him before he swept past him, and out of his reach.

"Vik…" His little brother was cut off, his head bobbing under water momentarily, then resurfacing. Spitting up water, he yelled again. "Vik help me!"

Abel tried to catch him but he had to keep himself from getting pulled away. Their fingers barely touched as his brother was pulled downstream, and out of the house. "Heeeeeeeelp!" His little brother screamed in agony, still reaching out to his big brother as he was pulled further and further away into the darkness, and away from that life saving hand.

"Tim! NOOOO!" Vik yelled. He screamed so loud his lungs hurt. Hot tears streamed down his face, but he could do nothing. In a jolt he awoke, screaming his brother's name.

Rubbing his tired eyes, he looked around and found himself in the sleeping quarters of his barrack. Every night the same dream, that horrible dream of second impact. He'd lost everything that night, his entire family, all his friends. Of the 16 million people that lived in his home country, 14 and a half million died in an instant.

He had nothing left, making his way to Germany on foot when the water had receded enough to make the journey safe, with nothing but the clothes he was wearing. He'd stayed in Germany for two years, then returned to his home country, Holland. That of his country, that hadn't been claimed by water, had been partially rebuilt. But, with nothing left, no home, no family, he felt lost, and had lost the will to live.

Feeling that he should somehow avenge his young brother, and parents he'd joined the Army, quietly wishing he would die in the next mission every time he got sent out to fight, a common occurrence since 2nd impact. Hotspots across the middle east, governments toppled, civil war raging throughout Africa. He'd thought, at first, that with all the problems in Europe and the US itself, there wouldn't be much interest in matters thousands of kilometres away, but he had been wrong. Perhaps the aftermath of 2nd Impact had been worse in the end. The political situation across the globe changed in an instant, and for the first time in nearly 60 years nobody seemed to care about the loss of innocence anymore. Insurgencies, terrorist attacks, rebellion against oppression. It was chaos, and it was commonly accepted amongst the so called 'developed nations' that anything should be done to return to order. Once again, governments allowed any and all means to their, and their allies' ends.

He didn't care about all that, about politics. All he cared for was his new family, the young men at his side, fighting with him, for him. For them, he'd go through hell, and he had. He was now 27, but the horrors he had seen made him feel like he was 40. All he had to hope for was to die saving his brothers in arms, then he would be even with his brother. For letting him slip away he had to make amends through sacrifice.

He rubbed his face for a moment, putting his head back on his pillow, then cast the thin blanket that lay across him to the side, and stepped out of bed.

"Same bad dreams again, Vik?" His friend asked from behind him. He turned around and saw his friend, Daryll, standing behind him, concern written all over his face.

"I'll live, like I always do…" Vik replied, turning around again to put on all his gear. He still had an hour of sleep, but he didn't feel like it, rather going outside and breathe in some fresh air before their next mission. Done with his gear, he walked outside and into the camp. He was greeted by a beautiful sight of the sun creeping over the mountaintops ahead of him. Even with all the fighting, Afghanistan could be a beautiful place.

He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his chest pocket, took out a cigarette, and replaced the pack in his pocket. 'Another step towards self-destruction' He thought as he lit the cigarette.

-----

_Outside Fallujah - Iraq_

The air inside the APC was humid, and smelt of sweat. The vehicle vibrated intensely as it passed over the broken road, shaking it's passengers roughly from side to side. The morale, however, was good. The soldiers inside the vehicle we're bustling with conversation, all happy that they had a pass out of this shit hole for the time being. Command had requested their presence elsewhere, that meant that at least the next 48 hours they would have a well earned reprieve from the fighting that had been constant for the past 2 weeks.

"I can't believe we've been pulled back, I was beginning to think I'd die in that stinkin' town!" One of the younger men in the special forces squad, Jefferson, said.

The lieutenant, an older and well experienced combat veteran, knew better than to get his hopes up, but he knew the break from all the fighting they had done was welcome amongst the men, and kept his mouth shut as he looked around the cabin, even though he feared they would be called out to do an even more dangerous job.

"Say lieutenant Dan, why do you think they pulled us out of there?" Taylor spoke, the youngest of the eight men under his control.

He turned towards the young man, and said: "Do you want my honest opinion, or do you want me to lie to you?"

Taylor laughed a bit. "Well, it depends… do I want to hear the honest answer, Sir?"

The lieutenant repositioned himself, his butt gone sore from all the potholes the APC wasn't exactly doing it's best to avoid. "I think we're in for another job, probably more dangerous too." He said finally, thinking it best to just speak his mind.

The mood settled down a bit after that, but the men couldn't say they hadn't been expecting it. Being pulled out was just too good to be true, especially under the circumstances.

After a while Reynolds spoke up, trying to lighten the mood, and the subject. "Well, at least we don't have to go back home and watch them shitheads protesting us back in the States."

It stayed silent, the subject he decided to bring up not what the men wanted to discuss right now. "Hell, you know what I'm talking about! It's not like it's not on your minds… those fu-"

"Shudup goldielocks!" Taylor scolded, using the blonde man's nickname. "You know as good as any of us we don't need that shit right now. I'm not disagreeing with you, hell not at all, but right now we all need a break from your goddamned whining!"

Dan shifted his eyes towards Reynolds, he didn't need this right now, and he was about to interrupt the verbal quarrel. Before he could speak, Reynolds was consumed by a bright flash, completely disintegrating before his eyes.

For a moment, time stood still, not a thought on his mind, just a bright spot burnt on his retinas, even visible behind his shut eyelids. He thrashed wildly, not knowing up from down, his hands over his bleeding ears. Getting a hold of himself, he immediately forced his eyes open, an action that made his head pound painfully, and his eyes sting.

The lieutenant's ears buzzed loudly as he finally got up on his knees. The world spinned wildly before his eyes, disorientated by the blast wave. The world finally came into focus, and conscious thought found him again. Conscious thought that told him that he still couldn't see, or breathe for that matter. Pitch black smoke was pouring into the cabin, the smell of gunpowder, burnt metal and flesh leaving a disgusting odour in his nostrils.

Shaking his head for a moment, instinct and training kicked in. Blinded by the thick smoke, he crawled forward, hands reaching out to find the hatch. It didn't take him long to find the lever, and in a moment the bright afternoon sun lit up the interior of the APC. He crawled towards the opening and rolled out of the cabin, still deaf from the blast, heaving and coughing loudly from the smoke he'd inhaled.

-----

_Base camp – Green zone, Baghdad_

It turned out he was lucky. He was, but four men under his command weren't. Reynolds was blown to pieces, Lucas decapitated by flying shrapnel, both Jefferson and Ivory suffocated to death. The six others, himself included, had come off unscathed, safe for a bad headache, and another traumatic experience burnt for eternity on their souls and minds.

"To think, that on their way to blessed relief, they'd die by a goddamn roadside bomb." The lieutenant cursed under his breath, not getting his shaking hands to get a hold of his lighter. He looked down, the four bodybags already tagged and sealed. 'An honour, to die for your country…' He thought sarcastically. 'Not like this… not peaceful, not honourable… just blown from the face of the earth like that, or simply choked to death by toxic fumes.'

He fumbled with his lighter, not getting his cigarette lit. Frustration took a firm grip of him as he yanked the cigarette from his lips, grinding it to pieces between his fingers. He swatted the remains to the floor and stomped on them with a loud 'thud'. "God**damnit!**" He cursed, catching the attention of his men.

They all stared at eachother, a pained expression on their faces. Simultaneously they looked down at the bodybags laid out at their feet. After a long moment of silence Taylor spoke up. "Well… shouldn't… shouldn't we say something?"

"What?... It doesn't change the fact that they're all dead…" The lieutenant said after a few moments. He sounded cold to his subordinates, but they couldn't be angry or shocked by it. In truth, there wasn't anything that would justify the death of the four young men before them, and there wasn't anything they could say that would bring them back, or save their parents, family, or friends from their grief. Nothing they could say that would lighten the hurt they themselves felt at this moment, so they would just live and fight on, waiting to die another day, or, if they were lucky, the end of their tour of duty.

"Well… I guess I'll have to write the letters now… get to your quarters, and get some rest. We're being pulled out at 0900 tomorrow, so get all your stuff ready for the ride to the airfield." The lieutenant said finally. The men nodded, saluted their officer, and went to their sleeping quarters.

-----

Dan sat motionless behind his desktop, an empty piece of paper in front of him. He must've sat there like that for half an hour, the pen held firmly in his hands, pressed to the paper where he had first put it. He knew he'd promised his men to write to their loved ones personally if they would die in action, but he couldn't think of anything to say. What could he tell them, that their sons died as heroes? That they died protecting their comrades? He knew it would be better to lie to them then tell them the truth of their horrible death, but he couldn't. So he just sat there, staring at the blank paper, thinking of something he could write.

His mind started to wonder off as he recalled a conversation with Reynolds. He'd just asked him this favour which he was determined to fulfil, and Reynolds had offered him the same in return where he to be killed. It had been a tough moment for him, remembering all that he had lost. Had he been killed, Reynolds would have had no one to write to.

The image of his wife, and two sons flashed before his eyes. The terrorist attack on Boston, his hometown, and his birthplace, had claimed two hundred thousand lives in an instant, and another twenty thousand in the aftermath, felled down by radiation poisoning. God, now he thought of it, all the guilt and pain of his loss came back rushing in. He hadn't even been able to hold his son's hand as he slowly succumbed. 'If I had just been there, to die with them, or to at least see them, watch over them as they died.' He squeezed his eyes shut, the painful memory bringing him to the brink of crying.

Sometimes it was hard for him to remember why he fought, but now it was clear again. The action of writing this letter was like dusting off an old picture, the image displayed letting all kinds of long forgotten emotions resurface. He had seen pictures in the news of victims of the radiation poisoning, their skin blistered and black all over, and to think his own son went through that, that was worse than dying in a flash, much worse.

As if Second Impact had not brought enough suffering to the world, a terrorist organization had decided it would strike hard on American soil. All the chaos in the world that followed the impact of the micro meteor had left their foe with it's back towards them, and they had taken that very moment to strike. With four airplanes, and one small warhead, they had reigned terror.

'Those fucking animals…' He thought, his hand tightly pressed to his mouth, trying to suppress the sound of his sobs. That day, late summer of 2001, many people had died, and those who were responsible had to pay. He didn't need to join the army for that, he had already stepped in his father's, and grandfather's footsteps before the attack. But when he heard of the American retaliation, he was first in line to ask for a reassignment. There was no way in hell he would miss his chance for revenge.

He shifted in his seat, and took a deep breath, the hand previously covering his mouth now wiping at his eyes furiously, his grief subsided, and replaced by anger. A snap brought him back to reality, and he looked down at the source of the abrupt noise. His hand held the pen firmly, so much that his knuckles had turned white, and the pen had broken under the pressure. He hadn't broken under pressure, he was still here, after years of fighting he'd survived. Only 39, and already old according to his subordinates.

-----

_Groznyy – Chechnya _

He twisted the head of the lamp a bit to better shine in the eyes of the man under interrogation. It was successful, the man squinted his eyes shut and averted his head from the harsh light. His comrade grabbed the man firmly by the chin and made the frightened man look at it. Releasing his face, his compatriot moved his hand back and smacked the man hard on the back of his head.

He moved around the table and knelt down next to his victim. "You might as well tell us everything… if you want my comrade to stop this, you could tell us everything and it'll all be over." The man didn't respond, he just kept his eyes straight at the lamp. "You Chechnyan scumbag! Tell me everything now!" He yelled, his face inches from the man. "I know it was you, and your friends that attacked our convoy last night!" He slapped the man in the face, no reaction. "If you tell us now, we might be… lenient on you."

The man kept silent, further angering his interrogator. He punched the man in the gut hard, successfully making his victim double over in pain. With his hands tied behind his back he could do nothing but take the punishment. Another slap in the face, still no reaction. The last of his patience gone, he grabbed his face and forced the man to look at him. "You separatist pig…" The man interrupted him mid-sentence, spitting him in the face.

He pushed the man, still tied to the chair with his hands behind his back, to the ground and stood up straight. Wiping the spit from his face, his other hand pointed to the man on the ground. "You just signed your death warrant." His voice was level, his face blank as he said it.

His face contorted into anger once again. "Take this piece of shit outside and execute him!" His compatriot only nodded, grabbed the rebel by collar and dragged him out of the humid tent. For the first time in the entire interrogation the man started yelling as he was dragged off for his execution. "You Russian dog! Do to me as you will, I don't care for my life!" The man's yelling grew more muffled as he was drug out of the tent.

Pulling a bottle of vodka from one of the drawers in his desk that stood behind him he heard the rebel shout one last time. "For Chechnya!" A moment later a shot rang out, after that it was quiet. Filling a glass up to the rim with the liquor he downed it quickly, trying to flush away the memories of the day. Truly, he didn't know if the man had attacked the convoy, even though he was clearly sympathetic to the separatists. 'Orders… I will do as I'm ordered as always.' He thought grimly, wishing he could convince himself he was doing the right thing.

He poured himself another drink, and downed it quickly again. His eyes moved to the letter he had received from command that morning. 'I'll be out of here soon.' The thought comforted him somewhat. Apparently his presence was needed elsewhere, along with that of a few of his men. Anyplace would be better than where he was now, anywhere. He'd rather climb down to hell than stay here any longer, he was certain he'd either die or go insane if he stayed.

He stepped outside, a new filled glass in his hand already. The body of the young rebel was dragged away, darkening the dusty ground with a trail of blood. He had committed atrocities for his government, for a government without remorse. He had let himself be defiled by them, but he could no longer care. He would surely go to hell for his acts, and he welcomed it. He downed the glass in his hand once more, then threw it against the hard ground, shattering it into a thousand pieces.

The body of the young rebel was discarded on a pile of more bodies, all of which belonged to the presumed terrorists. Yes, he was sure he would not see heaven when he died. Before he was sent here, he was part of the Spetsnaz, part of an elite group to counter terrorism. He was Captain Aleksandr Ivanov, a man of honour. Now, he was nothing more than a war criminal.

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Well that was it, I hope you all liked it. I have to be honest, I didn't know if I was going to go on with this story at first. It's not up to standards in my opinion, but I felt obligated to finish the story. It keeps spooking around in my head, and I want to finish it even though I don't think it's that good. Anyway, enough rambling. I hope to release the next chapter soon. I have most of it worked out, just need to finish it.

PS: You might wonder why I added a character from Holland. Well, I'm from Holland (no, this is not a Self Insert) and the more I thought on the subject, the more I realized Holland borders the sea, and would be swept away by the tidal waves were Second Impact to happen. This would make a perfect background story for the Dutch soldier.


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